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Signs of a Failing Marriage
It has often been said that marriages do not just break - they get weaker and weaker over time and eventually just fall apart. Issues can arise when one spouse begins to notice problems with the marriage, while the other spouse is blissfully unaware of the troubles. You have two choices when it comes to this - either mutually agree to work on your problems together or call it quits and get a divorce.
Making that decision can be one of the biggest decisions you will make in your life, which is why it is so stressful. Many times, the signs that your marriage is eroding away are not always obvious and can seem normal. Here are four signs that you should be looking for if you think it might be time for a divorce:
You (or They) Are Not Willing to Work on the Marriage
One of the major signs that you might be heading toward a divorce is when your or your spouse are not willing to work on the issues that you have. If it is just one person trying to fix the marriage, it is not going to work - the two of you are in it together so the two of you have to work it out or call it quits.
Things You Should Know About Life After Divorce
No matter the situation, getting a divorce is a big life change. Even if you were only married for a couple of years, getting divorced changes almost everything about your life. Though you may feel that you are ready for a divorce (and you probably are) you may not exactly be prepared for what is to come. There are certain things that you do not expect to experience when you get divorced and there are things that may not have even crossed your mind before. Everyone has different circumstances when it comes to divorce and everyone will experience the divorce differently, but there are a few things you should know about life after divorce. Even if you are the one who initiated the divorce, you will probably still feel a sense of loss. Even though divorce is the legal process of separating yourself from your spouse, it is also very much an emotional process. Many people underestimate just how much of a transition a divorce really is. You are changing everything from your living situation to your financial situation - it is understandable for you to feel things like loss, sadness, grief, and disappointment. These are all emotions many people experience in their life after divorce. If you have children, you do not get to ignore your ex. Just because you are getting divorced does not mean that you get to part ways and never see your ex again, especially if you have children. You and your spouse will forever be linked by your children and that is something you must come to terms with. Even when your children are grown adults and no longer are under you or your spouse’s care, you will still have that link. Divorce might affect your children in ways that are apparent through their behaviors. There is no one way that divorce will affect your children. Just like adults, all children are different and all children will have different reactions to a divorce. Your kids will not always tell you that the divorce is bothering them or that they have certain feelings about the stress a divorce can bring. Sometimes, your children’s behaviors will be the telltale signs that the stress is getting to them.
Life After Divorce
Unsurprisingly, for many people, divorce is very difficult. Not only are you ending your legal relationship with your spouse, but you are also ending a very deep romantic relationship. Many people having feelings of anger, despair, hopelessness or even depression after a divorce. One of the most important and healthiest things you can do after you have gotten a divorce is set your sights on all of the positive aspects of getting a divorce -- and yes, there are positives to this situation. Here are four things you can look forward to after a divorce:
You Have Free Time -- And It Is Yours
After a divorce, you will be single again -- and that means that you will have the schedule of a single person again. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want and you do not have to worry about upsetting or ignoring another person. You can start making time for activities that you like to do, without having to worry about the wants of another person.
Issues in Your Marriage That May Be Divorce Predictors
You can never be 100 percent certain that a marriage will end in divorce. There are so many mitigating factors that contribute to a divorce but a divorce does not happen overnight. It can take years or even decades for a marriage to degrade down and finally break, resulting in a divorce. There are certain behaviors that couples do that can be warning signs a divorce is in the future, but not all couples are created equally. What can mean trouble for one couple is perfectly normal for another. Here are a few things that could mean your marriage is on the rocks:
You and Your Spouse Are Constantly Criticizing One Another
Though it is something that we all do to everyone, criticizing your spouse should be done with care. When you criticize your spouse, you tend to criticize their personality or character, making your spouse feel like there is something inherently wrong with him or her. When you do this, you elicit a defensive response from your spouse, leaving you both unhappy.
Dealing with a Difficult Spouse During Divorce
Divorce is already stressful enough for the entire family. When you are dealing with a spouse who has it out for you, it can become even more difficult and it can make dealing with even the smallest issues a lengthy process. Adding children into the mix makes everything even more difficult, especially when your spouse insists on settling things in the courtroom when they could just as easily be settled outside of the courtroom. Dealing with a toxic spouse is emotionally draining, so here are a few tricks you can use to cope with your spouse during your divorce:
Make Sure You Document Everything
When it comes to toxic spouses, they will often bend the truth, change what they said previously or lie altogether. Do not allow your spouse to make you rethink events that happened in the past. You should not have to question your own memories, so making sure you document everything is key. If you communicate about something important, make sure you either record the conversation or get it in writing, that way you have hard evidence of the conversation that actually took place.
What to Wear to Your Illinois Divorce Proceeding
Most people do not spend a lot of their time in court, which can make for some trepidation when you are required to appear. When you get a divorce, no matter the route you decide to take, you will have to appear in court before a judge at least once to finalize your case. When it comes to Illinois divorce cases, dressing for success takes on a whole new meaning. While it may seem ridiculous, the way you dress can have an effect on the outcome of your divorce proceeding. Here are a couple of tips to help you determine what to wear before you attend your divorce proceeding:
Guidelines for Women
The courtroom is a very formal place where you are going to represent yourself to the judge. Because of this, you should aim to dress conservatively and professionally. Women should wear items of clothing such as:
- A dark, non-patterned dress;
How to Have a Healthy Illinois Divorce
Marriage is not easy. It takes a lot of work, effort, and persistence to make a marriage work, but sometimes it does not matter how hard you try -- you are destined to divorce. According to the National Survey of Family Growth, more than 20 percent of first marriages end in divorce within the first five years and 48 percent of marriages end before they hit 20 years. Divorce is an emotionally stressful and trying process, but sometimes it is one of the best things you can do for you and your spouse. Instead of making life as difficult as possible for both you and your soon-to-be ex, you should try focusing on making your split as healthy and smooth as possible.
Cooperate and Communicate
When you begin the divorce process, you will probably feel a flood of emotions, like anger, grief, and depression. When emotions are running this high, it is easy for you to do and say things that can negatively affect the divorce process. Remember, your emotions are valid, but how you handle them is important. Make sure you maintain an open line of communication with your spouse and remember that cooperation is key.
Common Reasons Couples Divorce
Nothing lasts forever and in this day and age, marriages are included in that saying. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), nearly 36 percent of couples experience some form of marital disruption by their tenth year of marriage. By the time couples have been married for at least 20 years, that percentage jumps to 53 percent. Though those numbers seem high, some researchers have actually said that the U.S. divorce rate is declining. So why is the rate of marital disruption so high? Here are a few of the most commonly cited reasons that couples get a divorce. Marrying at a Young Age You have heard it before -- getting married too young is not a good idea. Many studies have shown that couples who get married when they are teens or young adults tend to have a higher divorce rate than couples who get married in their late 20s or early 30s. Infidelity This one is perhaps one of the more well-known reasons for getting a divorce. Cheating on your spouse can be the kiss of death for a marriage. When one spouse cheats on another, the trust between the two of them is broken and if you are already experiencing a weak sense of trust, cheating may be the end. Addiction and/or Substance Abuse Another commonly-cited reason for divorce is one spouse’s drug or alcohol use. When you are addicted to something, it consumes your mind and life. A partner who is addicted to drugs or alcohol can destroy the family and be the last straw for some couples. Financial Problems Many couples therapists say that one of the main reasons couples seek therapy is for financial issues. Many couples also say that money problems were the reason for their divorce. When couples do not agree on the way money should be handled, arguments can become heated and divorces can result.
Tips to Help You Deal with a High-Conflict Divorce
You would not think so, but some divorces are amicable and calm, mostly because the divorce was not contested and both spouses were in agreement about issues pertaining to the divorce. Though that is the perfect idea of a divorce, we do not live in a perfect world and more often than not, there is some sort of fighting and disagreement during the divorce process. In severe cases, the divorcing couple cannot stand to be in the same room as each other, making for a very high-conflict divorce. If you are experiencing a high-conflict divorce, here are a few tips you can use to help you cope.
Create Boundaries
The first step in dealing with a high-conflict spouse and a high-conflict divorce is setting boundaries for the new relationship you will have. Whether these boundaries are with your co-parenting relationship, the communication between the two of you or any other issue, boundaries are essential. Create them and stick to them.
Parenting: How to Be a Successful Father After an Illinois Divorce
Divorce is difficult for everyone in the family, but it can be especially difficult for fathers who are going through a divorce. Even though it is 2019 and most people agree with the fact that a child does his or her best when both parents are involved in their life, fathers are often given the short end of the stick when it comes to divorce. Mothers are still seen as the primary caregiver and are often still given preference when making determinations about parenting time and decision-making rights. Though it may seem that there are numerous societal and cultural factors that are working against fathers, having help from a divorce lawyer who focuses on father’s rights can be beneficial. Here are four things you can do to be a good dad after your divorce:
Fight for Your Right to Parenting Time